Friday, June 03, 2005

"Look, honey, I just gained 50 lbs!"

Obesity Outbreak

Gina Kolata of the New York Slimes describes the situation clearly: "For the first time, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has sent a team of specialists into a state, West Virginia, to study an outbreak of obesity in the same way it studies an outbreak of an infectious disease."

Yup, obesity is a disease, my friends and the CDC is going to get to the bottom of it; don't you worry.

You see that roll under your chin, the saddlebags on your thighs, your pear shaped body...that my friends, is not your fault! You caught it from someone who is a carrier of the obesity virus. That fat slob you shook hands with who never washes his hands...he's the one. Those restaurants and fast food places, filled with the germs, that force you to eat the entirety of the portions they give you, they're the ones. Jerks.

Not to worry, I'm sure there will be some federal funding to help with your expenses. Insurance companies will soon be required to add treatment for obesity to insureds covered expenses. Someone else is going to pay, and that my friend is not going to be you!

Rest well, and pass me another doughnut, please.


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