The World According To Jack Bauer...

I am a "24" fanatic. I found a few of my favorite Jack Bauer jokes:

1. If everyone on "24" listened to Jack Bauer, it would be called "12."
2. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
3. If life gives Jack Bauer lemonade, he'd use them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
4. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
5. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
6. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
7. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
8. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
9. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
10. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
11. Some people see the glass as half-full. Others see it as half-empty. Jack Bauer sees the glass as a dangerous weapon.
12. Witholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
13. The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
14. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
15. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
16. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
17. "American Idol" is only popular because it has a commercial for '24.'
18. Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.
19. Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way.
20. If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to ten. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
21. Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
22. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
23. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
24. MacGyver uses everyday items to save people; Jack Bauer uses everyday items to kill them.